DAY 00 & 01: 我还没哭够...
Day 01:probably a little silly to keep track in this way. But hope to put it as an encouragement for myself and for some momento.
Encouragement of the day: If I really love him, i must constantly remind him of the love that we shared... though now is not the right time, but i hope to put some reminders once in a while...
原来爱情这么伤 - Gigi Leung
每一个字, 每一句话, 现在都深深刺中我的心. 填词的人真是个天才, 不然就是另一个感情受创伤的人. 能够把难以形容的感触依依的填写进去.
真不知道该如何是好, 昨天还以为我已经能够接受了. 但是不知不觉中, 我又会想起我们的过去重重的快乐时光，想到现在的我们，又莫名其妙的掉下眼泪...
My colleagues treated me to farewell lunch at cafe cartel just now. Was quite worried that i can't handle my emotions and breakdown right in front of them. Great that i didn't! Phew...
Reminds me of the past where dear brought me to cafe cartel in raffles city after work. I had waited very long for him to knock off from work and was feeling abit angry cause a hungry woman is an angry woman. And i remembered we've over ordered as usual nvr been able to finish our food. hee... Though a little perverse, I've always enjoyed looking at mandai deer eating his food which always looks more delicious when he's gulping them down. haha...
I've broke the news to sis and shannon. Yeah i need some kind of understanding and support from them so i may pass by the time easier...
I'm still occasionally sobs in front of pc and hid myself in toilet to let loose. Will i last long? My next-seat colleague had thought that i look sleepy...
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Day 00:
Subscribed to this thread to keep me going alive... 原来不止我一个, 她也是一样的伤心, 只是她比我幸福, 最起码, 他们还有通电话, 有相见.
http://www.flowerpod.com.sg/forums/index.php?showtopic=33216
Met up with mandai deer for v-day dinner. Atmosphere was abit weird at first, but i tried to react as naturally as i could. While walking toward chijmes and having dinner at Bobby Rubino's, i was all the way observing mandai deer's body language. It tells me that he doesn't really want to meet me up and he's not really bothered with who's sitting in front of him. It hurts me this way... Reminds me of the past, he'd have been looking at me to see if i'm enjoying my food...
In midst of fighting back my tears, last straw came, he wants me to cancel the 24th feb fren's gathering dinner for he doesn't wants to meet me for 2-3 weeks... tell me, how can i keep my calm? i tried v v hard to control and hold it till i reach the ladies and let loose of every droplets in my eye.
Anyway, i wasn't keen in the dinner at all. Completely lost interest in food (same experience as last time, but i wonder how long will this last) So I gotten him to leave the restaurant and settle down at a quiet place (just above the restaurant) where we could both have a talk.
I had really hope that time would stop at that moment esp when i'm laying my head on his shoulders while we're chatting... seriously speaking, i do think that he loves me, else why would he bothered to stay with me for so many years, i guess he's just confused and prolly the r/s is stagnant that's why he had doubts in the r/s. But i'm afraid that he may not realize that as well.
For many donkey years, i've told him abt quality time not spent together and this is the outcome. Partially i had myself to blame as i've not tried my best to make my every meetup a quality one and also to spring him with surprises. I guess novelty is very impt to keep a r/s strong. But again, novelty now would have carried him away as well... if some new faces come by, it may get him interested to know more n more about them... now... thinking back, reminds me of the phrase my 2nd ex says... (guess i learnt alot from r/s) he once commented to me: "grass pasture over at the other side is always greener, just be contented with what you've, greater joy will come"... Afterall it's human nature to go for novelty and soon wears off easily... i hope mandai deer will understand this logic soon.
He sent me home yesterday. Will it be the last time? i feared thinking about this.
How does lovefools come about? I admit that i'm one right now.
Sobbed alot alot alot for the whole day... my eyes are sooo tired...
posted by Panda @ 2:54 PM
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